Recently in Majority Leader Category
His second decisive home run in three games, and both times Church kind of looked disappointed. All the longballs are putting him off pace to hit 50 doubles this year. "Aw, jimminy," you could almost hear him thinking, "I hit that one too hard. That's gonna be four. Heckity darn." The pitching has remained consistently strong. But the Nats offense has of late been making mooks like Kyle Lohse look like Brandon Webb. So when Ryan Church steps up to make himself the little engine that slugged game-transforming home runs in consecutive wins, he chugs back down the hill with back-to-back Majority Leader honors.
Delegate Count: Cowboy Randy 12, Z-man 9, Dmitri 6, F-Lo 5, Big Fella 5, Church 5, Chief 4, Power Austin 4, Officer Schneider 3, Belliard 2.
Just a week ago, when young Lannan was mastering the Barroid in San Francisco, Frank Robinson stopped by the press box to have a chat with Bob and Don. Frank was in town representing Emperor Selig as one of his dark minions, you see. So Bob says to Frank, he says, "Watching the Nats this year, has anyone really surprised you?" And Frank goes, yeah, Dmitri Young really turned his career around blah blah blah. Pick your cliche things to say about the Nats, Dmitri, the starters, and the bullpen; Frank said it all. One game at a time and all that.
But then Frank is like, oh, yeah, and Ryan Church really seems to be having a breakout year. Who knew he could be a useful starting outfielder?
Well, Frank, pretty much everyone else on the planet knew that. One might have expected that a guy who freakin managed Ryan Church every day for two years might not be surprised to discover that the kid can be a useful player after all. But then again, one might have expected that a big-league manager wouldn't get pissed off at a player one time in the kid's second month in the majors and treat him like stinky, half-day-old dog poo for the next two years just because the manager would rather hold personal grudges forever than help young ballplayers develop or, you know, win ballgames.
It seemed like the Nats were going to need divine intervention to salvage anything from their three nights in the desert, so appropriately when they were down by three with two on in the eighth, the Nats went to Church on Sunday and received the sacrament of the game-tying home run. That was Majority Leader hitting right there, and a well-deserved "Screw you, Frank" from the perfectly adequate left fielder Mr. Robinson tried to run out of baseball.
The triple and the miracle throw in the ninth by Z-Man, and the Chief's gutsy reenactment of that scene where the shaft of blinding, divine light shines down on young Arthur as he approaches the sword in the stone made this one of the closest calls of the season, but Frank's comments from Monday night must be avenged.
Delegate Count: Cowboy Randy 12, Z-man 9, Dmitri 6, F-Lo 5, Big Fella 5, Chief 4, Power Austin 4, Church 4, Officer Schneider 3, Belliard 2.
When he got one last chance to kick sand in Barry Bonds's face, he took it. Enablers fans on their feet to watch their doped up cheater hero hit number 758? "Here, have one outside for a sad little popup with the game on the line," the Big Fella said, "And oh by the way that's the series we just tied with you." That moment alone was worth Majority Leader honors.
But then Rauch pulled the old pump-to-third-throw-to-first move and it worked. That never works. And not "never works" in metaphorical, teenager terms meaning "hasn't worked for at least a day or two." BallWonk has never actually seen that play work, ever. Well, not in the big leagues. Worked once against BallWonk in youth ball. Anyway, point is that when he got in trouble and needed the out, the Big Fella tried the sorriest trick in the book and made it work and got out of the inning with the two-run lead intact and we all know the Chief might blow a one-run lead but a two-run lead is like the game right there, the umpires should have declared it in the eighth, and like Rauch said to Barry that's the series tied and see you in September, Mr. Bonds.
Delegate Count: Cowboy Randy 12, Z-man 9, Dmitri 6, F-Lo 5, Big Fella 5, Chief 4, Power Austin 4, Officer Schneider 3, Church 3, Belliard 2.
Back in the lineup, and back into contention for season honors with a home run that almost reached that one young Nationals fan before the middle-aged San Francisco jerk threw it back (hey, buddy, Wrigley Field called: it wants its gag back) and go-ahead double and the steal of third and the walk, it's Felipe. Oh, and also for going over to cheer up Bacsik when the Enablers stopped the game for like a quarter of an hour to celebrate Barry Bonds finally getting to second place on the all-time home run list. It's little things like that to help each other that pennants are made of.
Delegate Count: Cowboy Randy 12, Z-man 9, Dmitri 6, F-Lo 5, Chief 4, Big Fella 4, Power Austin 4, Officer Schneider 3, Church 3, Belliard 2.
BallWonk never stops counting the ballots for Majority Leader. This season's patchwork rotation, in which more than 29,000 pitchers have been "surged" to the mound in just 111 games, has posed a particular challenge to the balloting process. This has posed an even greater challenge to the Nationals, and that despite fielding a cohort of starting pitchers that the Kansas City Royals wouldn't wish on the Yankees, the pitching has been a particular strength this season. Even when the Nats lose, they tend to lose close. So BallWonk is awarding all delegates earned by starting pitchers to Nationals pitching coach Cowboy Randy St. Claire. He's the Fred Thompson of this season's race for President Pro Team.
Delegate Count: Cowboy Randy 12, Z-man 9, Dmitri 6, Chief 4, Big Fella 4, Power Austin 4, F-Lo 4, Officer Schneider 3, Church 3, Belliard 2.
Who could have predicted a week ago that the rotation would be this team's strength? Though, to be fair, the Nationals did finally face a pitcher against whom it's not a seppuku-inducing shame to get only four hits.
BallWonk's only fear is that P.T. Bowden will take Jason Bergmann's start as evidence that it's OK for the GM to dress down players in front of teammates and the press. It's not, Bowden, and in any well-run business or nonprofit in America you'd already be fired for that outburst. Rather, the Nationals clown-in-chief should regard Bergmann's comeback start as a giant "screw you" from the baseball gods. The intelligent design behind Bergmann's performance can be proven actually, by the leadoff walk. Only the baseball gods would think to stick it to a GM for lecturing a pitcher about walks by starting the best pitching performance of the season with a leadoff walk.
Delegate count: Church 1, Bergmann 1.
A lot of folks were upset at the manner in which the team handled the firing of Frank Robinson. "Sure, he's an craptastic baseball manager who took four years to figure out how to work the double-switch and if Barry Bonds were a National and he came up to bat in the eight spot, one out, and a runner on first, Frank would have called for a sac bunt. But he was one of the all-time great players, and he deserved more respect from the Nationals."
Poppycock. Now, don't get BallWonk wrong. Frank was a truly great player, in fact BW would say that Frank was generally underrated by fans. You know how great a player Joe Morgan believes Joe Morgan was? Well, Frank was even greater than that. One of the few ballplayers who rises to the level of true national hero, that's how BallWonk regards Frank.
But the one thing manager Frank Robinson was not was a class act deserving of deference and respect for his grace of character. He was a surly, mean old mule and a bully who picked on the players who most needed a manager's support to find their own feet in the game. Remember the time early in '05 when Tomo Ohka had an embarrassing outing and in frustration turned his back on Frank as the manager approached the hill? And every Asian player on the team was suddenly in Frank's doghouse, and within a few weeks, suddenly, and purely by coincidence, no players born west of Mendocino were left on the team?
Or how Frank labeled rookie Ryan Church as a slacker and a whiner and not really a very good player, and told the press his opinions, and basically did everything he could to convince Church to maybe give up this baseball thing and go mow lawns for a living or something, because he'd never amount to anything? The first time his most promising rookie player of '05 hit a rough spot, Frank publicly turned on him, said everything an older man can say to crush the spirit of a younger man, and then all but blamed Church for the team falling out of first place and regressing to the mediocre level that pretty much every team Frank has ever managed has regressed to.
And yet, despite Frank's protestations about what an unmanly, big-league-not-belonging loser Church was, between injuries and demotions, in two years Church put up a season's worth of big-league stats, and they actually amount to a pretty good season. A great season, by Nationals standards.
And then Frank had the gall to whine and moan and even hint about racism when the Nationals disposed of him with more class than he ever displayed toward the players he didn't pick as his personal pets. Harrumph.
So BallWonk hopes that, sometime in these first three games, when Wednesday's majority leader Ryan Church has all but replaced Nick Johnson as the walkingest, hittingest, sluggingest, and glovingest National around, he said to himself, "This one is for you Frank." Hopefully when he pasted that three-run shot Wednesday to put the Nationals into the game for the first time all season.
If Frank is still throwing his little tantrum, maybe the Nationals should make May 20 Ryan Church day instead.
Delegate Count: Church 1.
If BallWonk wanted to just hang out for a while, he'd invite Zimmerman. If he needed someone to run a meeting, he'd hand the gavel to Officer Schneider. If he needed a superhero to stop a rogue alien from blotting out the sun, he'd shout for Fonzie. If he needed to intimidate a gang of hardened criminals with nothing more than a stare, he'd bring out the Chief.
But if BallWonk just needed to get a job done, maybe some light plumbing, or installing new brake pads, or getting the damned vines down off the telephone pole out back, or if there were post holes to be dug or sandbags to be stacked, BallWonk would call in Riker. Nick just has that air of get-the-job-done-icity. If the Nationals score only one run in a game, it's probably Nick that drove it in, unless he's the one across the plate. If the Nationals get one-hit, Riker probably got that hit. If the Nationals get no-hit, Riker probably walked three times. And if anybody ever throws a perfect game against the Nationals, you can bet it will be when Nick is on the DL.
The shame of it is that Riker is so consistent in getting the job done that when the Nationals win he's rarely the hero of the game. He just always seems to find a way to get to first, the hardest out in the National League, but too often he's the best player on a losing lineup.
So it's nice to see our own stubble-cheeked blue-collar hero get a homer and a double in a game we held on to win.
Delegate Count: Zimmerman 12, Riker 9, Soriano 8, Chief 5, Ramono 5, Vidro 3, Pedro Armas 3, Kearns 2, Schneider 2, Patterson 2, O'Connor 2, Church 1, Barbarian 1, Pedro Astacio 1, Released: 6
Call Prince: Suddenly, Vidro is playing like it's 1999. But there's a danger with surging late in the campaign season: For every Wellstone who just barely picks off a Boschwitz, there are a dozen Humphreys who woulda beat their Nixons if only they had four more days for the polls the keep shifting. In the last week, Vidro has stepped up from dead last with a tired hamstring to a respectable sixth, but he's still at least three huge games from being a serious contender for the season honors. Still, 1999-style Vidro is a heckuva player, and if you throw in some long balls to give him a more 2000-ish profile over the last three weeks, three big games doesn't seem out of reach.
Delegate Count: Zimmerman 12, Soriano 8, Riker 8, Chief 5, Ramono 5, Vidro 3, Pedro Armas 3, Kearns 2, Schneider 2, Patterson 2, O'Connor 2, Church 1, Barbarian 1, Pedro Astacio 1, Released: 6
Vi! Me say Vi me say Vi me say Vi-i-i-dro! Vidro hits and the runners come home!
Man, BallWonk misses getting to sing the Vidro song. He'd all but given up on convincing Ms. BallWonk, much the rest of the Nationals caucus, that Vidro really is a terrific ballplayer in spite of the recent sucking and injuries. With Vidro, BallWonk knows what it feels like to be his nine-year-old cousin trying to persuade all the grown-ups that Hilary Duff is, like, only the best actress eh-ver and her CD is completely the only thing that belongs on the car radio and we should all memorize the lyrics to "Why Not" right now. And everyone rolls their eyes because Hilary Duff might actually be a worse singer than Cher and she was recently out-acted by a car and everyone loves Uncle Mike all the more because he plays the Lizzie McGuire soundtrack in the car every time and never complains.
That's what being a Vidro fan has been like these last two years, but then after being benched in favor of guys who don't even actually play for our team anymore/yet, Vidro comes in to knock two clutch hits with runners in scoring position.
Normally, two-for-five isn't enough to win the primary with the bat, not when Felipe is on base three times out of five with a stolen base and a defensive game-saving play of the game, and not when Nick reaches base four times out of five with his usual solid D, and especially not when two-for-five includes two stranded in scoring position and grounding into a DP.
But maybe there is such a thing as getting on base too much, Billy Beane be damned. And Vidro today wasn't about getting on base. He was about getting off the bases, whether by driving in runs, including the walk-off game winners, or scoring on Fonzie's single.
Delegate Count: Zimmerman 12, Soriano 8, Riker 8, Chief 5, Ramono 5, Pedro Armas 3, Kearns 2, Schneider 2, Patterson 2, O'Connor 2, Vidro 2, Church 1, Barbarian 1, Pedro Astacio 1, Released: 6
It's like Beverly Cleary finally got around to writing the one where Ramono singlehandedly reconciles her parents, puts Beezus through college, fixes Ribsy's arthritis, solves a murder for Chief Brown while his son is away at camp, and defeats Soviet communism. Wow, Ramono. Just wow.
Delegate Count: Zimmerman 12, Soriano 8, Riker 8, Chief 5, Ramono 5, Pedro Armas 3, Kearns 2, Schneider 2, Patterson 2, O'Connor 2, Vidro 1, Church 1, Barbarian 1, Pedro Astacio 1, Released: 6
How does a team strand an average of 5.3 runners per inning and strike out with bases loaded 33 times in eight innings and still win the game? Against the D-Train? Pitching, baby. Z-Man's perfect game was impressive, but the voters know it's Ramono and his big blue ox of control what won this game for us.
Delegate Count: Zimmerman 8, Soriano 7, Riker 7, Chief 4, Ramono 4, Pedro Armas 3, Schneider 2, Patterson 2, O'Connor 2, Vidro 1, Church 1, Barbarian 1, Kearns 1, Released: 6
Ramono really is like a Beverly Cleary hero. He always seems to be getting into trouble, but just when Beezus is about to run out of patience and go get mom to bring in a reliever, Ramono scrapes his way out of the jam and everyone's happy and maybe the reader has even learned a lesson, like Don't Walk the Two Leadoff Batters, But If You Do, For Gosh Sake Keep the Ball Down and Try to Throw Grounders. Or, Once You've Thrown Ball Two, Bear Down and Pitch to the Batter and Stop Worrying about the Guy on First. Or, It Doesn't Matter How Many Guys You Let on Base, What Matters is Whether They Score, So Don't Sweat It and Keep Pitching. Ask Bill Clinton or George W. Bush: primary voters don't mind if you've gotten in trouble, as long as your story comes with a moral, and that's why Ramono is Friday's Majority Leader.
Delegate Count: Zimmerman 8, Soriano 7, Riker 7, Chief 4, Pedro Armas 3, Ramono 3, Schneider 2, Patterson 2, O'Connor 2, Livo 2, Vidro 1, Church 1, Barbarian 1, Kearns 1, Released: 4
There is still time for a back-of-the-pack candidate to pick up delegates and challenge for the title. Even starters who have spent most of the season pitching like a run-down sock monkey but rediscover their hard-breaking offspeed pitch as soon as there's no danger of being traded. It was really the ultimate Nationals ticket last night: 2005 ¡Livo! matched with 2006 offense.
Delegate Count: Zimmerman 8, Soriano 7, Riker 7, Chief 4, Pedro Armas 3, ¡Livo! 3, Schneider 2, Patterson 2, O'Connor 2, Ramono 2, Vidro 1, Church 1, Barbarian 1, Kearns 1, Uncommitted: 4.
