Game Report: March 2007 Archives

New York at Washington. Nationals 5, Metropolitans 3.

The clubhouse showers were steaming in the Florida night like Foggy Bottom in the morning.

"Hey, Williams," Officer Schneider called across the stalls. "That was a good outing today, buddy."

"Thanks, brah" locked-in number-four starter Da Kine replied. "I thought it went OK. I'm going shopping to celebrate."

"Yeah, it's good to treat yourself every now and then."

"I like to shop after pua hana if I've pitched well. It really settles me down. Kind of a release."

"You really don't have a girlfriend, do you?

"Nah. Why?"

"Oh, I mean, ah, you know, to shop for. Girls like when you surprise them with something nice. You know, not every guy goes shopping for his lady. So, um, what you shopping for?"

"I don't know, brah. Clothes, maybe. I like clothes."

"Pass me the pink conditioner, will you? I've only got the green stuff here. Thanks. Listen, you got a suit and some ties?"

"No can, brah. Why?"

"You wouldn't believe how dressy it is in Washington. Man, they wear three-piece suits to the beach. You know what they call casual Fridays?"

"Nah."

"That's when they wear blue suits instead of black, and maybe a two-color tie instead of plain red or blue."

"Jeezum!"

"Yeah, it's harsh. You need to set yourself up with at least a couple of nice suits. I get mine bespoke; I can give you my tailor's card."

"Thanks."

"Yeah, and while you're out, maybe we could make a list for you."

"Yeah? Mahalo, brah."

"Like Dmitri. I think you should buy him a bigger glove. If you're going shopping anyway, you know?"

"Sure."

"Hey, guys!" Officer Schneider shouted. "Williams is going shopping! Who needs anything?"

"I want a grass skirt!" Fick shouted.

"I need a new pair of flame-retardant pajamas," said Power Austin. "Because baby, I am on fire!" He shared a triple-high-five with Snelling.

"I need a new iron," the Chief said. "I've ruined two already melting the polyester off these new caps when I try to flatten the brims. I hate those pre-curved hats."

"I changed my mind," Fick said. "Bring me back a flower necklace. I wanna get leid!"

They all laughed. Then Church spoke up. "Can you get some of that soap that smells like vanilla and sugar?"

The clubhouse was silent.

"What? I like to smell nice."

"Dude, get us some Hawaiian shirts," Zimmerman said. "I see the fans wearing them at RFK, and I'm kind of jealous."

Da Kine was getting embarrassed. He still felt like a rookie every time he joined a new clubhouse. He looked over the stall to Officer Schneider.

"OK, Jerome will see what he can do." He winked at Williams. The clubhouse chatter moved on to other topics.

"Mahalo," Jerome said quietly through the steam. "Can you pass me the pink conditioner back?"

"Sure. And hey, that really was a good outing today. You did a good job shrugging off the defensive flubs, and you were getting ahead of the batters nicely. We'll get your slider inside the zone next time. So you go treat yourself, OK?"

"Yeah. Mahalo, brah."

"Just don't eat anything, OK?"

"No can. I learned my lesson with the Giants: no grind after games, or this Hawaiian gets momona!"

Washington at Atlanta. Braves 14, Nationals 5.

Not such a good day to be Jerome Williams after all. Or to be nearly any other Nationals pitcher, for that matter. Robert Fick continues to impress, with both a home run and a pitcher staredown/talking-to of mid-season intensity. (BallWonk has long hoped the Nationals could develop a nasty, personal rivalry with Atlanta.) But where are the rest of our bats? OK, fine, we're not exactly putting our starting eight out there for nine innings a game, but neither are the other guys, and they're beating the crap out of us. And sure, a lot of those opposition runs are coming on the kind of stupid errors that are normal in March and rare by April. But again, the other guys are just as stiff and they're beating the crap out of us on fielding, too.

After having used nearly all of the available 21,500 potential starters in grapefruit games, the Nationals have been outscored 22-44. Even with a conservative pythagorean factor, that projects to a 38-124 season.

Does BallWonk really believe that the Nationals will face that kind of a landslide drubbing in the '07 campaign? No. But that's where the early polling points, the trend line is down, not up, and it's always better to go into a campaign eyes open about your chances.

BallWonk had been ready to declare anything fewer than 100 losses a success this year. Is it time to lower expectations even further, say to a benchmark of 120 losses? Thank heavens for those interleague games against Kansas City.