Game Report: May 2006 Archives

Pittsburgh at Washington. Nationals 6, Pirates 0.

It's been piling up, so it's time to open and answer the post.

PuppyETR2003 writes,

BallWonk, where are you? I think I've figured it out. The whole "Teddy Time" obsession, the open hostility to Jeff Smulyan, the mocking of Fred Malek, going silent just when Emperor Selig picks an ownership group ... You're actually Ted Lerner! Fess up!

Hmmmm ... BallWonk admits the circumstantial evidence is strong. But the truth much less pleasant. In fact, BallWonk simply missed a week due to getting his wisdom teeth out. All of them. At once. Pretty much the whole week disappeared into a haze of anesthetics and pain killers while BallWonk gazed wanly at MASN from over various cups of saltwater and gruel.

NatsfanDDS asks,

BW, sorry to hear about the oral surgery. But you can settle a bet between me and the rest of the guys in my practice. What's more painful, getting all of your wisdom teeth out at once after the age of 30, or watching the Marlins sweep the Nationals at home?

Sorry, Doc, but BallWonk cannot answer that definitively, because he has only ever done both things at once. Was the pain overwhelming? Yes. Did the industrial-strength painkillers help make either experience more bearable? Not really. But if he could choose to suffer only one misery at a time, BW would opt for the oral surgery. At least with that one there is a qualified professional in the room who knows what he's doing, and you maybe even get a chocolate malt after. Not so when the Nationals get swept by the Fish at home.

Mayor4Life writes,

What y'all think of Ted Lerner and his little plantation of house Negroes swooping down like vultures to buy the Nationals? Personally, I am completely outraged. I've never felt so oppressed in my life, except for that one time the FBI set me up, or that other time the FBI set me up, or that time the Park Police set me up ...

Barry, Barry, Barry. That kind of talk may win you election after election in the District, but the rest of America just doesn't buy it. BallWonk notes approvingly that African-Americans make up a larger percentage of senior front-office personnel in baseball than their share of the general population. Besides that, BallWonk is pleased that Emperor Selig and his dark minions finally got off their asses and named an owner, in time for the stadium groundbreaking no less, and that owner isn't Indiana Jeff. Sure, BW thought Malek and Zients kind of deserved it, but Lerner is local, his family seems solid, Ms. BallWonk likes the fact that he has women investors, and anyway he can't possibly be as bad as C. Petegomery Angelos. And BW has high hopes that President Stan will do away with Trader Jim just as quickly as is practical.

Plus there's the whole "Ted" thing, which BallWonk hopes will make it easier for the team to adopt "Teddy Time" as its official rally slogan.

Hyo Owens writes,

Wait a second. Didn't we trade Zach Day to Colorado for Shaft? What's he doing blanking the Pirates for the Nationals?

Yeah, that's pretty cool. We got Shaft and we get to start Zach Day. It's like getting to have our cake and eat it too. A big Zach Day-shaped, Shaft flavored cake.

Washington at St. Looey. Weekend Summary.
Nationals 8, Cardinals 3.
Cardinals 2, Nationals 1.
Cardinals 9, Nationals 2.

Everybody knows that when you're up to bat
Where the runner stopped there he'll be stranded at.
I might as well get started and just booze, booze, booze.
No matter who is pitching you're gonna lose, lose, lose.

I tune into MASN 'til the ninth is done.
You get another runner but you leave him on.
You look like you might score but it's a ruse, ruse, ruse.
For every hit you waste you're gonna lose, lose, lose.

You're gonna lose, lose, lose, at home and on the road.
You can't give back your pitchers all the wins they're owed.
You're gonna lose, lose, lose.

Soon your starting pitchers, they will all be hurt.
You'll find their pride is tattered, lying in the dirt.
If Rauchy or Majewski cannot fill their shoes,
When you rely on Traber or Day you'll lose, lose, lose.

When your fickle bats get hot and you drive in runs,
You'll find you're still falling down flat on your buns.
You'll look at your egos and see a bruise, bruise, bruise,
When you plate some runners but still lose, lose, lose.

You're gonna lose, lose, lose and you'll lose again
When Livo says "I held the Cards, where were you then?"
You're gonna lose, lose, lose.

You're gonna lose, lose, lose, your confidence shattered,
When you had the chance you couldn't score from third.
You're gonna lose, lose, lose.