Meltdown!

Washington at Philadelphia. Nationals 11, Phailers 6.

So. Lesson learned.

If you're pitching to the Nats, and it's the ninth inning, and Manny Acta has just put on a turban and grabbed a crowbar and started to open the old wooden box marked "9906753," then you need to shut your eyes and keep them shut no matter what until the ballpark is silent again.

Because that old wooden crate the Nats are carrying from dugout to dugout isn't just any box from a government warehouse. No, this one houses the Ark of the Comeback, and it's been in storage since 1933. Once the Nats open the Ark of the Comeback, they have the power to level pennant-holders and lay waste to entire bullpens. They say a team that carries the Ark of the Comeback before it is invincible, and so far they seem to be right.

Which is how Tom Gordon, who didn't shut his eyes, got his face melted off by Baby Bear Milledge, St. Nick, Kearns, the Duca Death, Power Austin, and Dmitri Lawrencovich in the top of the ninth to spoil the Phailers' home opener. At least, BallWonk thinks that was Gordon who got his face melted off; it was hard to identify the remains beneath all the dripping gore of the 135.00 ERA.

When Little Red Riding Nat stumbled on the little house in the forest, she found that the bed was too soft, and the chair was too hard, but the Milledge was just right. Just right for a 2-for-4 day with a HBP, 2 RBI, and three runs scored with a two-run shot and a rally-starting single in the ninth. Welcome to the race, Baby Bear.

Delegate Count: Z-Man 1, Baby Bear 1.