Morale Booster

Arizona at Washington. Weekend Roundup.
Snakes 7, Nationals 1.
Snakes 7, Nationals 1.
Snakes 3, Nationals 1. Sweep.

Bowden

The WaPo reported Saturday that general manager P.T. Bowden started the weekend by chewing out starter Jason Bergmann on the field, in front of the press, his teammates, and his manager. The paper called the conversation "animated," which is newspaper-speak for "I thought for sure one of them was about to draw a knife and gut the other from belly to sternum, assuming neither one suffered a rage-induced stroke first, but I couldn't exactly make out the words they were saying, and my editor won't let me make this sort of subjective judgment in print." Sort of like how "frank exchange" is newspaper-speak for "took one step closer to declaring war."

Fortunately, the Nixon administration had a tape-recording system installed in RFK -- Tricky Dick was pretty obsessed with anything related to the Kennedys -- and BallWonk has the transcript.

Bowden: Jason, do you have a sec?

JB: Um, sure, Mr. Bowden. What can I do for you?

Bowden: I wanted to talk to you about those six walks you issued last night.

JB: Aw, geez, I'm sorry about that. I just wasn't hitting my spots. I'm working with Randy to --

Bowden: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Goddammit, Jason, you don't [expletive]ing walk six [expletive]ing batters in the first four innings. [Expletive], Bergman, are you trying to make me look like an [expletive]?

JB:

Bowden: Yeah, that's right. You've got nothing to say for yourself, you [expletive] punk. You're talking to one GM who will not be made a fool of. I've [expletive] out better players than you. I ought to option you to Little League so you only have to throw 45 [expletive] feet. Nobody makes Bowden look like a [expletive]ing [expletive]!

JB: No, I really don't think it's me making you look like a [expletive]ing [expletive].

Bowden: WHAT! DID! YOU! SAY! TO! ME!

JB: I didn't try to walk those guys!

Bowden: I'm dropping you to fifth in the rotation. If you so much as throw three balls to the same batter your next time out, I'm sending you to Potomac and going with a four-man rotation.

JB: Isn't it Manny's job to set the rotation and deal with players?

Bowden: Are you telling me my job?

JB: Someone needs to.

Bowden: YOU! LITTLE! [EXPLETIVE]!

JB: I mean, it's not like the rotation you assembled has a great track record. You got rid of all your starters and signed a bunch of nobodies, not me. We all have the talent we have. I started six games last year -- six! And I averaged twice as many strikeouts as walks, but I have one bad day and you're jumping down my throat. [Expletive]. You hire a bunch of crummy pitchers, and then you blame us when the team doesn't win?

Bowden:

JB: And while we're at it, how's that Guzman situation working out? And have any other GMs been returning your calls lately?

Bowden:

JB: Yeah, I thought so. So tell you what. You get out of my face and go back to playing with your blackberry or whatever and let Manny do his job.

Bowden: This isn't over, Bergmann.

Is P.T. Bowden evil, or just the worst boss ever? BW will put up with a lot from the team's management in the next couple of years, but this kind of abuse of the players by the GM goes too far. Drunk driving, bad-faith dealing with peers and employees, general management that has made the team worse each year he's been on board, profligate signings of crappy players and stingy offers to useful players, but the worst is how he constantly tries to blame the players he's hired for his team's poor performance.

###

A lament for the Nationals:

Where has all the hitting gone?
Long time passing.
Where has all the hitting gone?
Long time ago.
Where has all the hitting gone?
Easy fly balls every one,
When will they ever hit?

Where have all the runners gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the runners gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the runners gone?
Left on base every one,
When will they ever score?

###

Overheard in Section 501 on Sunday afternoon:

Little boy to his father: "The team in red is the Redskins."

Truly, wise are the babes. The boy's father tried to explain that, yes, the Redskins are also the home team, this is a different home team called the Nationals.

But after a week in which this home team has been outscored 45-18, fans of any age could be forgiven for assuming that the Redskins are still playing.

And the thing is, the Nationals are actually underperforming. If you just take their 1-6 record, they project to a 23-139 record on the season. But if you ask the old Greek baseball stathead Pythagoras, the runs-scored/runs-allowed ratio projects to a 26-136 season, fully three wins better than their win-loss ratio suggests. That means that once every other month, we can expect the Nationals to win two games per week, instead of just one.

Which puts the Nationals far ahead of the Redskins, who average more like zero wins per week.

###

Silver lining: We're done with Florida and Arizona for now. Man, those are some great teams. Like the '27 Yankees, but with better hitting, pitching, and defense. Good thing we get to go on the road now to face those chumps in Atlanta and Philly. It's like some kind of plot against the Nationals by Emperor Selig and his dark minions, scheduling the Nationals to start against the mighty Fish and Snakes -- at home no less! Might as well just throw the Pirates and the Royals at us too while they're at it. Do other teams face this kind of killer schedule so early in the season?