Nationals 2007 Promotional Schedule!

So BallWonk gets a call from Ms. BallWonk at lunchtime to say that while she was walking to Potbelly for some grub, the Nationals were handing out 2007 schedules.

Which, Ms. BallWonk said, were even lamer-looking than last year, and have no promotional dates. To which BW has no response short of maximum escalation. Because, yes, BallWonk has had a secret weapon up his sleeve that he's held off deploying in hopes that the Nationals would come to their senses and just post the damned promotional schedule already. Seriously, BW understands the struggle it must be to transform the front office from its pre-Lerners state of being a half-assed Cincinnati to being a better-funded Atlanta. So BW was willing to hold off on deploying his doomsday weapon, which for maximum deterrence effect he kept totally secret from the Nationals.

But there comes a point where you've just got to expect results or you've got to dish out some heaping ladles of accountability stew. Like when it's October 1, and Congress still hasn't passed last year's budget. Or when it's two weeks to Opening Day, they're handing out printed schedules, and we still don't know when we get promotions at the ballpark.

So thanks to diligent reader Doug in the BallWonk Office of Advanced Research, BallWonk is now ready to deploy the much feared shame-weapon, the Nationals 2007 Promotional Schedule (Road). That's right, the free loot all the other teams are giving away when the Nationals come to town.

And actually, it's a pretty good haul of baseball booty. Puts the Nationals to shame.

Nationals 2007 Promotional Schedule (Road)
Tue., Apr. 10 Nationals Coca-Cola 2-for-1 Tuesdays Atlanta
Wed., Apr. 11 Nationals McDonald's Outfield Ticket Advantage Atlanta
Thu., Apr. 12 Nationals Hank Aaron Statue Night Atlanta
Sat., Apr. 14 Nationals Growth Chart First 12,000 Kids New York
Fri., Apr. 20 Nationals Scratch Off Friday (100 Random Grand Prizes) 1st 15,000 Fans Florida
Sat., Apr. 21 Nationals Marlins Rally Towel 1st 25,000 Fans Florida
Sun., Apr. 22 Nationals Dontrelle Willis Youth Jersey 1st 5,000 Kids Florida
Tue., Apr. 24 Nationals Southwest Airlines Schedule Magnet Philly
Thu., Apr. 26 Nationals Citizens Bank Businesspersons Special Philly
Fri., May 4 Nationals Cubs Gray T-Shirt 1st 10,000 fans Chicago
Sat., May 5 Nationals Michael Barrett autograph on Rawlings official baseball 500 random winners Chicago
Wed., May 23 Nationals Bronson Arroyo Bobblehead Night 1st 40,000 fans Cincy
Thu., May 24 Nationals Senior Citizen Specials 60 and older Ladies Night 1st 10,000 ladies Cincy
Sat., May 26 Nationals Six Flags Night All kids 48" and under St. Louis
Sun., May 27 Nationals Kids Run the Bases Day All kids 15 and under St. Louis
Sat., Jun. 9 Nationals Hormel Joe Mauer Batting Title Bobblehead 1st 10,000 Fans Minnesota
Sun., Jun. 10 Nationals Justin Morneau MVP Bat 1st 5,000 Fans 14 & under Minnesota
Tue., Jun. 12 Nationals T-Shirt Tuesday: Chris Ray First 10,000 fans 15 and over Baltimore
Wed., Jun. 13 Nationals Orioles Replica Cap DAP First 20,000 fans 15 and over Baltimore
Thu., Jun. 14 Nationals U.S. Army American Flag All fans Baltimore
Sat., Jun. 16 Nationals Family Sleepover Toronto
Sun., Jun. 17 Nationals Father's Day John Gibbons Father's Day Necktie First 10,000 fathers Toronto
Mon., Jun. 25 Nationals Home Depot A. Jones Signature Bat Night First 15,000 fans Atlanta
Tue., Jun. 26 Nationals Coca-Cola 2-for-1 Tuesdays Atlanta
Wed., Jun. 27 Nationals McDonald's Outfield Ticket Advantage Atlanta
Fri., Jun. 29 Nationals Fireworks Night Pittsburgh
Sat., Jun. 30 Nationals Bob Walk Bobblehead Pittsburgh
Sun., Jul. 1 Nationals Team Stamped Autographed Baseball Kids Ages 12 & Younger Pittsburgh
Fri., Jul. 13 Nationals Scratch Off Friday (100 Random Grand Prizes) 1st 15,000 Fans Florida
Sat., Jul. 14 Nationals Marlins Kazoo 1st 25,000 Fans Florida
Sun., Jul. 15 Nationals Marlins Floppy Hat 1st 10,000 Fans Florida
Wed., Jul. 25 Nationals American Red Cross Christmas in July Cole Hamels Bobble Figurine Philly
Thu., Jul. 26 Nationals Summer Camp Day Philly
Fri., Jul. 27 Nationals Merengue Night New York
Sat., Jul. 28 Nationals Nikon Travel Mug First 25,000 Fans New York
Sun., Jul. 29 Nationals Seat Cushion First 25,000 Adults Mr. Met Dash New York
Sat., Aug. 11 Nationals D-backs Trucker Caps First 35,000 fans Arizona
Sun., Aug. 12 Nationals Kids' D-backs Backpacks First 10,000 fans age 12 and under Arizona
Tue., Aug. 21 Nationals PowerAde Double Play Tuesday Houston
Wed., Aug. 22 Nationals TGF Hair Cuts Houston
Thu., Aug. 23 Nationals $1 Hot Dogs Houston
Sat., Aug. 25 Nationals Lunch Bag First 15,000 fans Colorado
Fri., Sep. 7 Nationals Friday Night Fireworks Atlanta
Sat., Sep. 8 Nationals 80's Mullet Head Night Future Stars Night Atlanta
Sun., Sep. 9 Nationals Girl Scouts Kids Run the Bases Alumni Sunday Atlanta
Mon., Sep. 10 Nationals Marlins Community Foundation Garage Sale Florida
Tue., Sep. 11 Nationals Homeschool Night Florida
Sun., Sep. 30 Nationals Southwest Airlines 2008 Schedule Magnet Philly

Embarrassing fact #1: The Marlins are giving stuff away all three games of a weekend homestand against the Nationals. A weekend homestand. That's like knowing you're the team Northwestern schedules for its homecoming game.

Embarrassing fact #2: The cheapest billionaire owner in baseball, Carl Pohlad, is giving away the best swag on the Nationals promotional schedule so far. Yes, Carl Pohlad is treating fans better than the Lerners. In most billionaire families, being outclassed by the Pohlads is grounds for seppuku.

The awful thing for BallWonk is that he is going to miss that loot-rich Twins series by a matter of hours. Minutes, possibly. He'll be stuck in Ohio until the morning of the third game in Minnesota. No Chairman Mauer bobbleheads or Dr. Morneau bats for the BW family.