The Great Cincinnati Freakout

Washington at Florida. Fish 1, Nationals 0.

Have you heard what they're saying in Cincinnati? When Nationals fans talk about crucifying our GM, we mean we want Boswell to say not-nice things about him in the Post. But when Commies fans talk about crucifying their GM, Wayne Krivsky, they're actually getting out the wood and the nails. The state legislature is considering a bill to outlaw Krivsky. The phone lines at sports-talk radio stations are so full of people calling to express the depths of their hatred of Krivsky that they've started calling in to public radio -- sometimes even just dialing random numbers. If you live in southern Ohio right now, it's not unusual to pick up the phone to hear a stranger say, "'I'd shoot Krivsky myself, but I can't decide between a 12-guage or a hollow-point. Which do you think would hurt more before he died?"

Why all the hatred in baseball's worker's paradise? The Trade. Widely considered by Ohioans to be the single worst decision in human history, Krivsky traded two young everyday players for a pair of bullpen arms, Royce Clayton, and prospect change. If Cincinnati were in France, the suburbs would still be burning as people rioted over The Trade. Cincinnatiites have spent the week asking, "Does The Trade destroy the sport of baseball itself, or just the Reds?"

To which BallWonk can only answer, People of Cincinnati! Look who you made the trade with: your own ex-GM Trader Jim, who singlehandedly kept the Reds out of serious contention for a decade. Trader Jim does not "fleece" anybody in trades. He is no Argo-ing Jason; if there is fleece to be had, that fleece is Trader Jim's. When you call Trader Jim's cell phone, his ringtone is a BAAAHing sheep.

Just consider the late innings of two games yesterday. First, New York at the Commies. After Royce Clayton had already scored in Cincy's early come-from-behind effort, Bill Bray struck out two Metropolitans in late relief. Then RC sacrificed into a fielder's choice--beat out the DP throw, more like--to put the winning run on third and himself on first; the next batter doubled and Royce scored from first. Final score: Commies 7, Metropolitans 4, and two of the three runs came from The Trade.

A thousand miles south by southeast, the Nationals played in Miami. Down by a run in the top of the ninth, Nick Johnson walked and Woody Escobar singled Nick to third. Marlon Anderson struck out, and Comrade Kearns came up to bat with runners at the corners and two out in a 1-0 game. Kearns flied out to right to end the game. And not even an impressive, aw-darn-that-looked-like-it-had-a-chance fly out to the warning track, but a Texas leaguer you knew from the weak crack of the bat it was an easy out. Final score: Fish 1, Nationals 0.

Kearns has driven in exactly zero runs for the Nationals, even as he has slipped to seventh in the order. On days when Frank plays him, that is; Kearns is now our fourth-best-hitting outfielder. Felipe Lopez, the other valuable everyday player who came over in the Kearns trade, is 2-for-Washington at a hitter, and the only reason he's not batting eighth is that Frank has a thing for hitting batless shortstops in the two hole.

Has there ever been a trade where fans on both sides were so convinced their team got screwed?

So please, Cincinnati, calm down. Put away the tar. Cancel the warrant for Krivsky's rendition to Uzbekistan. Just watch the games and compare and wonder at how Trader Jim can turn even the most seemingly lopsided trades into a victory for the other team and a disaster for the Nationals.