Escobar Puts Down Roots

"How do I know his forearm isn't always swollen like that?"

Washington at Florida. Nationals 7, Fish 6.

Who knew Alex Escobar is made of wood? How else to explain what Dale Scott heard when Randy Messenger plunked Escobar in the softest part of his forearm?

"Crack!" went the sound of the ball against the bark on Woody's arm. Woody, naturally, started walking to first, because of course everyone in the ballpark knew that Messenger done gone beaned him.

"Oh, no you don't, sir!" Umpire Scott cried. "I know the sound of ball on bat when I hear it, and what I heard was a foul tip. Strike two. Get back in there."

As an aside, it's interesting to note where the incident places baseball on the spectrum of sportsmanship. If this were golf, the opposing pitcher and catcher would both say to the umpire, "No, sir, that ball hit him in the arm. You can see his welt right there. If you don't award him first base, we'll just walk him intentionally," because fair play is more important than winning. If this were basketball or football, the Fish and their manager would have joined the argument, backing the umpire's mistaken call, because winning isn't everything, it's the only thing. And if this were soccer, so many players would be trying to fake the umpire into awarding them HBPs that we'd just expect the umps not to award any but the most blatant upper-body beanings.

Anyway, the incident raises the question of what wood is Woody made from? Probably northern white ash or rock maple. Pine would make too fleshy a noise when struck by a bean-ball, and hickory and oak would have a distinctive hardwood crack.

What does the discovery mean for the team? Mainly that they need to keep Woody away from open flames, so the next time he hits a home run at RFK Canyon National Monument, wait until after he's rounded third to light off the fireworks. Don't want to risk any sparks drifting down and setting alight the first guy to really catch fire in center field all year.