Another Florida Recount?

Florida at Washington. Nationals 8, Fish 7 in 11 Innings.

Jeb Bush just issued the following statement:

"Florida demands a recount. Our teams spent a whole week in Washington and went 2-5. I smell pregnant chads. Surely, a butterfly ballot was involved. In fact, my sources in Washington say that one Ryan Zimmerman cast decisive votes in two different games. Even in Dade County, a man is only allowed to vote once.

"And I say this as something of an expert in miscounting. We Floridians pride ourselves on our ability to eke out narrow victories through incompetence and errors. It's the Florida way. Remember how the Yankees handed us the '03 Series with fielding errors? Yet there were the Nationals, profiting from our mistakes. That's just not right.

"OK, so maybe once in the week of games, official dunderheadedness would go against the Florida team. But not game after game. When all the simple mistakes line up to favor my team, that's just the breaks. But when the pattern of errors favor the other guy, well, I know fraud when I see it.

"Therefore, I am appealing the entire Devil Rays/Fish series to the Supreme Court on the grounds that Washington violated the Fifth Amendment. The Constitution says that no one shall be 'held to answer for' an 'infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury.'

"Well, Willingham's dropped fly ball was as infamous a crime as I've ever seen committed on the diamond, and Florida was held to answer for it big time with not a single grand jury in sight. That's a clear violation of the Constitution. And if the Supreme Court throws out the last game, then we'll have solid grounds for appeal to throw out the whole series to be played again in a new jurisdiction. Anywhere but Washington.

"As my brother might say, Don't mess with Florida."

Bulletin: By a vote of 6-3, with Roberts concurring and Scalia, Thomas, and Alito dissenting, the Supreme Court refused to grant certiorari to Governor Bush's suit, so the two series wins will stay on the books.