There's No 'MRI' in 'Team'

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Talk about a brutal weekend. Thank heavens St. Patrick's Day is coming soon, otherwise BallWonk would fear running out of beer to cry into.

First Fonzie Soriano looked his living legend of a manager in the eye and said, "Screw you, old man, you can't make me play anything other than second base." So the plan now is for Fonzie to practice second base for a week with the Nationals, then go play second base for three weeks in the World Baseball Classic, then come back and see what's what about three days before the regular season starts.

Then we learned that when Brian Lawrence says he's never pitched with pain, what he really means is he's never pitched with such excruciating pain that he seriously considered gnawing his arm off with his bare teeth right there on the dugout bench between innings.

But in his second bullpen workout with the Nationals, Lawrence suddenly did have arm-gnawing-off pain, which led to an MRI and the diagnosis that the only thing holding his pitching arm to his body is the rubbery tube of his brachial artery. So off to the surgeon and, maybe if we're really lucky, a September callup to the bullpen.

The obvious solution is for Vidro or Soriano to learn how to pitch. You figure that the distance from where a secondbaseman fields the ball to first is at least 60 feet. So it should be no problem learning to throw from the pitcher's mound to home plate, right? Especially for a guy as naturally talented and just purely awesome as Fonzie, right? That's right, Fonzie, you show us just how great you are. Show us by working on an 85-mph fastball while you try to learn a changeup.

The next best option is to trade Fonzie -- or, sigh, Vidro -- for a pitcher. That makes so much sense that we can be pretty sure our GM will never do it. Any other GM in the big leagues would have turned Fonzie back on the hot stove for pitching, or even better a couple of prospect arms, faster than you can say "competence," and he'd have done it in January.

Instead, what Trader Jim will probably do is swap Church or, let's just say it to brace ourselves for the event, because where Trader Jim is involved, "worst case scenario" is another way of saying "the best we can hope for," Zimmerman for a pitcher. And remember, when Trader Jim dreams about pitchers when he dozes off under the hot Florida sun, he sees visions of Ryan Drese. Let's just hope that when Trader Jim trades away one of our best young players for a rubber-armed number-five man, he at least has the good graces to make the deal out of the NL East.

13 Comments

Boz expresses my fears perfectly. Baseball would have to be incredibly arrogant and stupid to reject this lease agreement, but I think they will do just that. If that happens, they will discover there is NO WAY the City Council is going to agree to build a stadium now without some sort of spending cap. I do not believe even Jack Evans would support one now, and I can't bring myself to lobby for one.

Is Smullyan really worth all this? He is the only owner who cannot pay for cost overruns if it comes down to that. Three local owners in the running have reportedly told MLB they would be willing to pay for the cost overruns, but it seems Selig is determined to have Jerry Reinsdorf's favorite guy as owner. Well, there isn't going to be ANY stadium if MLB turns down this deal, so baseball is probably going to contract the Nats and throw away a billion dollars. As for Smullyan---the Atlanta Braves are available and for only $50 million less than the Nats...

John said:

Looks like that "intense media quiet" ain't so quiet anymore...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/email/2005/03/31/EM2005033118109.html

I feel a little more relaxed this time because there is nobody to lobby. If baseball rejects the lease and thinks they will get a better deal, it's their fault and they are incredibly stupid---but there's nothing I can do about that.

BTW, thanks for thinking of me, Sam!

Sam said:

At the risk of getting Ed Cunningham going, I'm really wondering what the intense media quiet on the lease deal means. Negotiations stil underway I guess?

Mark said:

Thanks goodness for the CBA. The Nats are not allowed to trade Zimmerman until June (1 year after draft - it negates the ability of team's trading picks). Bowden wouldn't be crazy enouigh to trade Zimm, would he? At least we're assured that he can not - for 4 more months.

Daedalus said:

Trade Soriwhino to the Devil Rays for whatever no name-should-be-playing-A-ball utility infielder they have, then convert him to a backup catcher! That will do it! See, problem solved...

;)

John said:

Looks like the Nats got Astacio after all...

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/nationalsjournal/

Sam said:

Hmmm . . . Post blogger Matt Lee writes: "I also got to see position players taking bunting practice again and wondered why someone such as Nick Johnson, a guy who is going to bat in the heart of the lineup, would need more than one session of bunting drills."

Apparently he's new to Frank Robinsonville?

Basil said:

I don't see Zimmerman being traded in any scenario, least of all by Bowden.

John said:

If they trade Zimmerman for a pitcher, I might just become a O's fan...

sam said:

sorry -- that last was unclear. Sure, Johnson for Pujols improves the team.

Sam said:

Remember when we were going to get Theo Epstein to come be our general manager. Man, I miss those days.

How could trading Nick Johnson improve this team?

One of the Nats blogs suggests Bowden might trade Nick to the Red Sox for an overpriced pitcher, allowing Vidro to shift to first.

If that happens, I think I'll revert to a full-time Phillies fan this year.

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