Wouldn't Dunkin Donuts Be More Appropriate?

High-ranking administration sources confirm that Officer Schneider (pictured left) will be at the ESPN Zone downtown Wednesday at noon for fan interrogation. Chatting with the Officer, autographs, trivia competitions, ticket giveaways, and awful, awful food - ESPN Zone will have it all Wednesday at noon.

And please, no ragging on Officer Schneider for the disorder that broke out on his beat Saturday. July is behind us now, and the less anyone says or thinks about it the better. Fans should ask encouraging questions, like, "Say, Officer Schneider, what are your top three plans for crushing the spirits of Atlanta's players, coaches, and fans between now and October?" or "When you face Roger Clemens, do you say to yourself, 'He's OK now, but he'd be really good if he had me calling the game,' or do you think, 'Roger who? It's ball-smashing time!'" or "Officer Schneider, what's more rewarding: calling the pitch that the batter watches for a called third strike with two outs to strand a runner, or gunning that runner down when he attempts to steal?"