What BW Did On Summer Vacation

Well, BallWonk is back from his junket to the flyover states. While DadWonk was still around, his first question when BallWonk would tell him about a trip or a vacation was, "So what did you learn?"

Things BW learned on Road Trip 2005 include:

Frank doesn't make our lineups. But he does approve them, so he's still morally responsible for things like batting Guzman lower than ninth, Wil Cordero cleanup, and all the other "duh" lineup blunders this season.

Miller Park freakin' rocks. Seriously. Better sightlines than Camden Yards. One-time Wrigleyville resident BallWonk would rather watch a game at Miller than at Chicago's Basilica of Baseball. Poor beer selection, though; it's hard to find a brew other other than Miller. RFK's got better beer, which is a shame, what with Milwaukee being the Brewers and all. The funniest moment of the series came when home-plate umpire Paul Schrieber lost faith in Brewers catcher Damian Miller, whose arm was a bit off, and started throwing new balls to the pitcher himself, often while Miller still had his hand outstretched for the ball. Oh, and the Brewers had their second-highest paid attendance since opening the new park in 2001 when BallWonk showed up. It was either the prospect of seeing the first-place Nationals or the prospect of snagging a Rollie Fingers bobblehead doll.

Nobody likes James Buchanan. Granted, the guy is easily the worst president ever - "What's that, southern states? You don't like the results of the election and now you want take your marbles and go home? Fine by me!" - but still, you'd think folks would show a little respect for the office. Most presidential sites are run by the federal government. Not Buchanan's home. The state of Pennsylvania won't touch it either, nor will the county. No, it's up to the city of Lancaster to mow the lawn at Buchanan's house. And it's not even the nicest house on its block.

Don't even both trying to find the Tippecanoe Battlefield in Indiana. You won't find it. BallWonk did, but only because Ms. BallWonk refused to give up, what with potty breaks needed all around and the dog whining for a walk. The problem is that they built a town called Battle Ground around the, er, battleground, so you can never be sure whether the signs pointing to "Historic Battle Ground" will take you to the historic battleground or to the nearby town. Mostly, they do neither.

Buffalo Wild Wings in Chanhassen, Minnesota, is a Nationals fan's friend. They will put the MASN feed up on any TV you want to watch, even if the Twins are playing too. If you live in the Twin Cities and want to join the Nationals Party, head over to B-Double-W in Chan. Heck, if you live in Washington and want to see the Nationals but don't have DirecTV, you should move to Minnesota; it's easier to see our games there. Tip: Layne is the best chain-restaurant waitress ever. Sit in her section. And hey, what ever happened to Weck?

Bob Uecker is completely senile. Charming, but senile. BallWonk nearly drove off the road when Uecker started talking about the Brewers' early-season series at "JFK Stadium" and how the "F-16 Phantom Blue Angels jets" practicing over Milwaukee for a weekend airshow must make the Nationals feel right at home what with all the combat patrols over Washington. At which point Uke mentioned that, by the way, Preston Wilson had homered to deep left and Vinny Castilla was now up to bat.

Florida's tag-team announcers, not so bad. They say the score a lot, and they're not huge homers, so there are worse things to listen to while driving across Indiana and Ohio than the XM Radio broadcast of a Nationals game at Miami.

Preston Wilson is very, very average. And not nearly worth the price we paid for him. He looks fast, but isn't. Take away park effects, and he's the standard by which "league-average batter" is defined. Oh, and on a team that relies on its pitching, Wilson is a bad defensive outfielder. Not below average, but bad. At least on days BallWonk watched him play, either in person or on TV. In person it was almost spooky how he could make his own failure to reach a ball most outfielders catch look dramatic, as if instead of failing to make an easy play he was barely missing a hard one. BallWonk suspects that Wilson practices his non-catches.

Everyone in the country knows about Guzman's contract, and they're all laughing. Or every baseball fan BallWonk talked to, anyway. Don't expect fans anywhere to welcome Trader Jim to town if the new owners give him the heave-ho. It's back to ESPN8 "the Ocho," or wherever he came from if the owners don't re-sign him.

Cedar Rapids Kernels fans know what it's like to be a Nationals fan in July. The single-A Kernels are all about great starting pitching, inconsistently brilliant relief, and stranding runners. And losing 2-1 games, like the contest BallWonk saw Friday night at Veterans Memorial Stadium, in which the Dayton Dragons scored the winning run on a throwing error by the Kernels' Aussie hunk of a catcher, Michael Collins. The Big Fella's performance clearly inspired Officer Schneider in Saturday's game against the Fish. Oh, and Fernando Cordova looks just about ready for the big leagues. Look for him and Collins to appear in Angels uniforms, or a trade report, before too long.

XM Radio is good for baseball, just OK for music. The BallWonk Executive Committee rented an XM-equipped grandpa car for the junket. Nice to get to hear any game, any day, even if only the home broadcast. But BW would never get XM for the music unless he was regularly driving through states where "radio" means a choice between eight stations of crappy mainstream country and four angry talkers. BallWonk did enjoy XM's "Lucy" station, as well as "Hank's Place" and "Bluegrass Junction," and found "Ngoma's" African offerings strangely compelling. But mostly, listening to XM amounted to wondering when Def Leppard became "classic rock," checking the time to see if the Nationals were on yet, and tuning up to the BBC in hopes that Newshour, and not another episode of Westway, was on.