No Charm, No Foul

Special Report: Oakland at Baltimore. Athletics 12, Songbirds 3.

How sweet it is!

For a Nationals fan, Saturday was the day to go to Camden Yards, if you absolutely had to go to Camden Yards this year. The degree to which the Old Man of the Warehouse's nose-pinching signings of two 500 home run hitters is biting his team in the behind was on full display, as fans were treated to the sight of 1,100 home runs riding the pine. Slumming Sammy Sosa, of course, was on the bench merely for being bad, while Pharmaceutical Raffy was there in shame.

Why was BallWonk so happy with the result? Well, first off, misery loves company. If the Nationals are going to fall off the winning wagon, if we're threatening another last-place finish in the NL East, one wants to see Baltimore do even worse. But it was more personal than that.

Midway through the pregame events, in which some kid threw an absolute strike with fair heat for the ceremonial first pitch, the PA announcer said something about Camden Yards crowds having the reputation as baseball's best fans.

Apparently the whole Orioles organization has been taking lessons in narcissism and honesty from C. Petegomery Angelos.

Calling Baltimore the best fans in baseball, on the same day the St. Louis Cardinals are in town, is more than a bit like standing next to Lance Armstrong and calling yourself the world's best endurance bicycler. The Charm City rooters are fine fans, and certainly a far sight better than the hooligans up in Philly, but come on. Nobody who doesn't work for the Orioles has ever called their fans the best in baseball.

Then, a few moments later, a young woman named Ripken came out to sing the national anthem. This was one of the worst anthem performances BallWonk has ever heard. You know the kind, where the singer thinks she's got this really awesome voice and so she uses the national anthem as a tribute to herself and her wonderful vocal stylings. This means slowing it down and drawing out all the really tough notes that are particularly unpleasant to hear even when they're sung right. Ms. Ripken clearly did not get the job on the basis of an audition, leading BallWonk to wonder how such a person was chosen to sing the national anthem and why nobody in the Orioles organization had the courage to tell her to for heavens' sake sing quickly, wave, and sit down.

Anyway, during said anthem-singing, not a single soul in the ballpark sang along. There was not even the murmur you hear as folks mumble along to the Canadian anthem when the Blue Jays are in town. Just silence as Ms. Ripken did her Mariah Carey parody.

Until, of course, the last stanza, when all the people not wearing green and yellow belted out the infamous "O!"

Which was much worse than BallWonk remembers. Defacing the national anthem by emphasizing the "O" is one thing, and quite bad enough. Annoying, but not offensive. But shouting the "O" when you don't even bother to sing the rest of the song? That is just so deeply unpatriotic. And offensive. After hearing that, BallWonk would have rooted for the North Koreans if the Orioles were playing Pyongyang.

There were a few highlights. BallWonk does really admire Melvin Mora and Miguel Tejada. And how old is BJ Surhoff? Old enough to use a classic Dire Straits riff when he comes to bat. And, heck, Bobby Kielty, backup outfielder for the fantasy Old Town Rhubarbs, even got a hit. But mostly the fun came from watching the Athletics take an ounce of Darth Angelos' flesh, then decide that that's some tasty flesh, and come back for another pound or two.

Oh, and for the record BallWonk took readers' advice and wore his blue Nationals cap. Which led a large, roving band of New Yorkers to pump BW for information about RFK and whether and how to drive down to DC for Sunday's Cardinals game. One of them offered to trade his Derek Jeter jersey for BW's Nationals cap, but he was refused.

There are lines BallWonk will not cross. Attending a game at Camden Yards may not be one of them, but owning a Yankees jersey is and always will be.