So Long and Thanks for All the French

Yesterday's presidential debate no doubt left many wondering where the Washington Expos stand on foreign policy.

While the new Expos administration has yet to formulate in-depth approaches to weighty global issues such as the NL-West's attempted genocide in the troubled region of Arizona, Washington's new team stands squarely on the side of the Monroe Doctrine.

Hands off our game, Jacques

As President Monroe said in his address to Congress on Dec. 2, 1823:

It is impossible that Europe should extend its sporting culture to any portion of professional baseball without endangering our peace and happiness.

And the first implication of the move to Washington will be ending 34 years of French infiltration of baseball. No more French play-by-play. No more metric-sized baseballs. The players will wear ballcaps instead of berets. The fans will drink beer instead of wine and eat hot dogs instead of bitoque provencal.

France can go back to nuking Tahiti and sinking environmentalists' boats now that the Expos are back under American control.